Horror Movie Review: Black Christmas (2019)
Black Christmas is a 2019 American slasher film directed by Sophia Takal, and written by Takal and April Wolfe. Part of the Black Christmas series, it is the loose second remake of the 1974 Canadian film Black Christmas, after the 2006 film.
While walking home, Hawthorne College student Lindsay is impaled with an icicle by a masked individual. The rest of Hawthorne College is preparing for the Christmas holiday break. Riley Stone, a student at the Collegeās Mu Kappa Epsilon (ĪĪĪ) sorority, is still struggling to move on from being raped by Delta Kappa Omicron (DKO) fraternity president Brian Huntley. Her sorority sisters Kris, Marty, Jesse, and Helena are taking part in the DKO talent show. Kris has drawn the ire of the DKO fraternity and Professor Gelson following a petition from her requesting that university founder and notorious misogynist Calvin Hawthorneās bust be moved from the main building and another requesting Gelson be fired due to his refusal to teach books written by women. Riley learns that Brian will be back in town to oversee the talent show.
The group arrives at the DKO fraternity where Riley catches a glimpse of a strange ritual involving new pledges for DKO and black goo leaking out of the Calvin Hawthorne bust. She stumbles across Helena about to be sexually assaulted by one of the frat boys, saves her, and takes Helenaās place in the talent show. Upon seeing Brian in the crowd, she performs a song with her sorority sisters blasting the rape culture at the fraternity and stating that Brian raped her. Meanwhile, Helena is abducted by Lindseyās attacker. The girls start to receive threatening DMs from a Calvin Hawthorne similar to what Lindsey had received before she was murdered. Sorority sister Fran is killed by the masked man. Riley has a strange encounter with Gelson, where she finds a list of the MKE girls among his papers.
Jesse is murdered, her body left in the attic. Riley, Kris, and Marty are attacked by an assailant who injures Marty. Kris discovers Jesseās body while Martyās boyfriend Nate arrives and is also murdered. Riley kills the masked man but the girls are attacked by two other masked men. Marty dies while Riley and Kris kill the attacker. They remove his mask after being alarmed that they are covered in black goo instead of blood. Riley identifies him as a DKO pledge she saw at the ritual.
Can the girls figure out whatās going on and survive?
Sigh. This movie. Where to even begin. Right off the bat you have 20 solid minutes of social commentary being jammed down your throat. There are comments about not needing men, white supremacy, someone nearly gets raped, and generally all white men in the film are evil. Itās just, a lot for the opening of a movie. When you put on a slasher movie you donāt expect to be bombarded with a constant stream of heavy handed messages. It also immediately sets up a very hateful narrative. These girls donāt want to have fun, they just want to take down society and fuck you for wanting to watch a mindless slasher flick.
Itās just relentless. It goes on and on and on and on and doesnāt let up. And you know itās PG-13 so no blood or gore is even coming. Itās just sad. The movie has such potential for fun. The girls have great chemistry, I genuinely believe theyāre sorority sisters and very close. And everyone does act well.
I do want to clarify that what theyāre saying definitely isnāt wrong by any means, but itās just not the right platform and the movie smashes you over the head with it. Itās a slasher film, not a realistic drama. One scene that really bothered was when the boyfriend, Nate tried to debate them. What he said was valid but they wouldnāt hear it and shouted at him until he was forced to leave. A healthy debate would have been welcome because by the ratings, clearly most people agree with him.
The kills are so weak, theyāre literally nothing. You donāt see anything, thereās no blood, it just pans straight away. Itās as if they made a slasher film for people who would be too triggered watching a real slasher film, itās pathetic.
Lastly, the showdown is ridiculous. Itās hard to know what to even say. Itās almost a comedy, itās just that bad.
Overall, Black Christmas is a joke. Itās not gory, itās not scary or thrilling, itās just a platform someone has used to shove social commentary down your throat with no regards to their audience or if anyone even wants to listen. The worst slasher movie I have ever seen. Truly awful. The only saving grace is as I mentioned, the chemistry and the acting but itās not worth viewing just for that.
Black Christmas
- Final Score - 1/10
1/10